Van Craps, Fred Snaps
by CyberMorph
Summary: The Mystery Machine breaks down in the middle of no where, and causes Fred to get extremely angry again.


Fred was busy driving the Mystery Machine and gang to the next mystery down a dark highway on a rainy night. Fred had his pedal to the metal and the vans engine could be heard working in overdrive. Fred just had a stern look on his face and was staring right in front of him just watching the road, not even blinking. Daphne and Velma were talking their lingo where Daphne suggested Velma get a make over and surgery. Scooby and Shaggy were both sitting in the back talking to each other as well.

"Raggy want a Rooby rack?" Scooby asked with his speech impediment.

"Like, how many are left Scoobs?" Asked Shaggy, puffing the last of his dope. Scooby opened the bag of Scooby snacks and saw there were only three. Scooby shrugged, and tossed the last three in his mouth.

"Now there's run!" Scooby said saying they were all out.

"Like, you ate all the Scooby, like, snacks!" Shaggy said.

"You know Daphne, I need these glasses to see." Velma said to Daphne.

"All I'm saying is get some laser surgery, it's not going to hurt. Hell, I've had surgery before and it turned out great for me. Why, I was almost as bad looking as you! Uh, no offense." Daphne said.

"It's kind of hard not to take offense to that." Velma retorted.

"Also, maybe wear your hair in a different style, that style went out 20 years ago."

"Oh my god SHUT THE HELL UP!" Fred yelled between clinched teeth. He slowed the van down and pulled over to the side of the road. "All this jibber-jabber is really starting to PISS ME OFF!" Fred said as he turned around to face the gang.

"Jesus Christ Fred take a chill pill." Shaggy said.

"I would be calm if you all would just shut your traps and keep them that way for the rest of the trip!" Fred yelled again. Fred turned off the van and got out.

"Fred, where are you going?" Asked Daphne.

"I'm stretching my legs." He said as he was walking away.

The rain was light and just hit Fred every once in a while, he didn't care though. It was just a little rain. Fred then stretched his arms. It felt nice and relieving. He looked back and saw Scooby walking towards him. "Oh great..." He said to himself.

"You rink we could rop ror some Rooby racks?" Scooby asked.

Fred shielded his lighter with his hand and lit a cigarette and turned around to face Scooby directly. He took a puff and exhaled. "I'm sorry Scooby but... I have no fucking clue what you said." Fred replied and took another puff of his cigarette.

Scooby tilted his head and look quizingly at Fred. "Rooby racks."

Fred just exhaled smoke and sighed. "Scoobs, get the hell away from me before I kick you."

Scooby just looked shocked and surprised and trotted back to the van. The gang were talking quietly to each other and when Fred came back in they all hushed.

"Feel better Fred?" Daphne asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said and flicked his cigarette out the window while giving a weak smile. This relaxed the gang and they felt better knowing Fred wasn't angry anymore. He took his keys and put them in the ignition to start the van. The starter was turning but the van wasn't starting. Fred tried to start it for a few seconds before he stopped. "What the fuck." Was all Fred could say. He tried again but nothing happened. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" He had the keys in his hand and smashed the keys against the steering wheel and tried them in the ignition again. "COME ON YOU FUCKS!"

"Fred please calm down." Daphne said.

Fred immediately looked at her, "SHUT UP BITCH!" He was trying desperately to start the van but to no avail. "Fuck this!" He took his keys and threw them out the window onto the road. "Dammit!" He screamed.

"Like, Fred we could have it towed and fixed." Shaggy suggested. The others nodded.

"With what money?!... Fuck you're dumb." He then proceeded to hit the steering wheel with both fists violently.

"It'll be fine! Just calm down." Velma suggested.

"The next person who tells me to calm down will have their stomach ripped from their throat!" He threatened. "Fucks sake!" He got out of the van and slammed the door forcefully which shook the whole thing.

Daphne looked out the window and saw Fred was just going out to grab his keys which were on the road. He tossed the keys back in the van and opened the hood.

"Fucking useless shit." Fred was muttering to himself as he popped the hood to look. He didn't know much about engines and had no knowledge of mechanics. He was just looking in disbelief. "What the hell is the matter with you?" He silently yelled talking to no one in particular.

"This is like, like, a bad movie where one person goes crazy and like, kills his friends." Shaggy said with a chuckle. Everyone laughed, but then transitioned to a nervous laugh as they thought about it.

"So do we all just sleep in here then if we can't get going?" Velma asked.

"I suppose so." Daphne replied. "There's not much else we can do about it."

All them looked forward when they saw Fred slam the hood down with tremendous force that caused the part of the hood Fred had his hand on to bend. He hastily walked towards the van and got in and also slammed his door. "Well were fucking FUCKED!" He said and started kicking the pedals furiously.

"Well what are we going to do?" Velma asked.

Fred spun around looked directly at her. "Well I don't know, you think of something since you think you're so goddamn smart!"

"Guess we'll just wait until morning when it's like, lighter." Shaggy said.

"Shut your mouth!" Fred said.

Shaggy immediately stopped talking and looked away.

"Rooks rike we're not retting any Rooby racks." Scooby said.

Fred sighed and messaged his temples. "For the love of holiness..." Fred looked at the gang again. "Someone please put that fucking dog down. He's so fucking USELESS AND ANNOYING!"

"You know who's annoying?" Daphne said. "Scrappy Do."

"Oh don't even get me started on that son of a bitch." Fred said to Daphne. He flung his hand in the air and spun back around to face the front. "Fuck him! His name should be Crappy Do!"

"Rey! Don't rake run of ry ramily!" Scooby protested.

"Oh BE QUIET ALREADY!" Fred yammered.

After a little while of awkward silence, Velma spoke up. "Jinkies there's been no other cars driving down this road."

Fred just pointed upward and mocked in a sarcastic tone. "No shit Sherlock, give her 50 points."

"Just saying..." Velma said quietly under her breath.

Fred checked his watch, it was nearing midnight. "Alright I'm going to sleep. You should too or uh," he looked at the the rest smiling. "or I'll make you sleep. Alright?" He reclined his seat and rolled to his side.

"Alright, well good night everyone." Daphne said.

"Night." They replied in unison.

"Go the fuck to fucking sleep damn it." Fred said.

Shaggy took a few blankets and layed them out on the floor of the van so him and Scooby could have a comfortable nights sleep. He layed down and yawned.

"FUCKING SHUT UP!" Fred snapped.

"Like, holy shit Fred, can I even yawn?"

Fred lifted his head and looked at Shaggy. "Do you really want to start with me Shaggy?" Shaggy put his head down and closed his eyes. "Yeah I thought not." He said and closed his eyes.

Fred woke up first and quietly yawned and stretched. He looked over to see the gang still sound asleep. He quietly exited the van and lit a cigarette. He took a few puffs and noticed that although it was conveniently brighter outside, it was still raining. He paced around outside for a bit smoking away thinking of how they could get out of this predicament they were in. Fred took out another cigarette from his pack and lit that one with the first cigarette and flicked it away.

He looked around his surroundings to see only trees on one side, and a cliff on the other, with no other cars in sight driving by. A sound caught his attention and looked over his shoulder to see Shaggy walking around.

"I don't know how we're getting out of this one." Fred said.

"Yeah it's a real... Mystery?" Shaggy laughed. Fred looked over at Shaggy with no expression. Shaggy just stopped laughing and looked away.

Fred took the last puff of his cigarette and flicked it away. "Well if all else fails it looks like we're walking."

Shaggy shook his head. "Maybe we can like, call someone for help." He offered.

"How exactly? There's no one here."

Shaggy took out his old outdated cell phone. "Maybe we can call someone on this?"

With that Fred just looked silently and his eye started to twitch. Without warning he snatched the phone, placed it carefully on the ground... And started beating the living shit out of Shaggy. "YOU HAD THIS THE WHOLE TIME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE?!" He starting whaling his fists, which were meeting Shaggy's nose and blood started coming from it. "FUCK YYOOOUUUU!" He yelled and got up. Shaggy was just lying on the road groaning in pain. Fred picked up a nice long stick from the forest and starting swinging it like a bat into Shaggy's rib cage full force. When he was done he took the stick and snapped it in half over his knee and tossed it aside. He leaned over and picked the cell phone up and turned it on. Or at least he tried to, it was out of batteries.

"Fred... Fred." Shaggy said rolling over.

Fred just held the phone firmly and threw it to the ground full force as well. The phone smashed into a few pieces when it met the concrete road. He stormed off and went into the van all pissed off again leaving Shaggy on the road. He sighed and reluctantly put the keys in the ignition. The van started with no problems. "WHAT THE SHIT?!" Fred said surprised which woke up the rest.

"Hey you got the van started!" Daphne said cheering, rubbing here eyes still waking up.

"Hey, where's Shaggy?" Velma asked.

"Fuck Shaggy and fuck you." Fred said.

"What did I do?!" Velma asked but got no response.

Fred just stepped on the gas and took off. Just a little after the van started to move, they all felt this bump and heard a loud thump on one side of the van.

"Hey Fred, I think you drove over something." Velma said.

"No I don't think we did." Fred said smirking to himself, and with that, started driving to their destination.

THE END


End file.
